Today, I got reminded again of how horrible a person I am. I don't think this is anyhow a misinterpretation. It is true. I am the black sheep of the family... actually...not just the family, I'm probably the black sheep of everyone else around me who I show care to.
There is proof. when I was born, my family faced financial crisis, which in turn led to some sort of a family feud which I rather not talk about. Recently, I tried to care more about my dad's business by simply asking about situations of the business back home, turns out things doesn't seem too well. I tried to ring up my sister to ask how she's doing, turns out her apartment was flooded really badly. I decided to go home but it caused hell loads of trouble, from financial damages to emotional breakdowns, so much so that I don't even wanna explain how UGLY those times have been. ALL these, it's just too coincidental that I just can't think of any other cause to the damages other than me.
I probably shouldn't actively care for the people whom I love so much and just somehow passively finding out about their situation, just to avoid all the misfortune from occurring. Well, I have actually already resorted to this kind of caring unconsciously. But people just don't understand why....
When I try to tell people about how I AM the cause of the misfortunes, most of them would just say how I'm overreacting. But I'm not. They are representable. I AM BAD LUCK. I won't be in denial about it. I'm just glad I haven't cause much more serious damages eg death yet. I'm crossing my fingers and controlling myself so that it would never happen.
