Raw raw feelings, just letting everything out.

You might have to tear me apart to make me admit how many times I've wished you were by my side. You will never guess how many times I've actually dreamt about you and really wished you were physically here with me. I hate you but myself even more because I want  you so badly but it will cost me me too much courage so I just have to never let you know. I know its been ages but why don't  you just come talk to me already? Are you waiting just like how I'm waiting too? Do you miss me the way I do so insanely for you too? I hope you'd never see this but I hope you'll feel me whenever I actually think about you.

I know and do admit fully that it's probably all my fault and deserve all these for the way I've acted towards you ; but I do hope you'd just trust that I was going thru very tough and "ugly" phase that I'd never wanna share with you. If all that have led you on to another path of your life which you are happier living in now, I'd wish nothing else but the best for you. I just don't think I can ever move on if you'd never tell me whether there's anything else left for us to hold on to.

Yes, it will kill me to talk to you. So ki me maybe?

Why does everything need titles...

Wow, it's been a real long while since I last blogged. Not sure how I lost my interest in blogging. Maybe cause I finally fessed up to the fact that I don't really like to explain myself. Well, truth be told, it's cause I haven't been the best at elaborating, if you haven't realize it by yourself... (Sometimes the more I try to explain, the more confuse I become... yea.. I'm that terrible at it.)

 With that being said, I am more unsure as to why I am putting up a post again right now. Most probably because I don't know who to talk to.. or should I say.. because I don't know who I can NOT talk to... I don't know if there is such a person out there, but it really would be great to actually have a person who you can go to for some quiet time together... someone who doesn't need you to talk to them... someone who doesn't need your pleasing/entertainment... someone who would just sit quietly with you without ever complaining about how boring you are...

 Lol, maybe I'm really just a boring person. But I think I would really appreciate it. Maybe that's just what I need... a person who doesn't need me to explain what I am feeling, a person who can hear my heart speak... a person who doesn't need my mouth to translate what my heart wants to say... a person who understands what's going through my mind and just be with me...

 Hmmm.. maybe the reason why I have very few friends who would share intimate conversations with me is because I myself don't open up to anyone about the things that goes in my life too... lol. Perhaps, I'm just a girl with a man's ego... But I have always been more than happy when people come share their stories with me... hmm. guess I'm selfish in that way?

 Well, I guess music's my best resort for now. Although I can't see it... at least its presence is felt much more than my own shadow.

 Till next time invisible friends. :)

Don't change and just be yourself?

Unless you're perfect, "don't change and just be yourself" is probably just the biggest bull-crap advice everyone's giving to you. It doesn't worth your every effort trying to live up to this "advice" if you'd end up being unhappy with the effects of being yourself, like having everybody else loathing you,or even worse, having you hating yourself. There's nothing wrong with changing for the better when you have to - no one really stays the same forever anyway. Just like in the wild, only those who can adapt well survives. It's always the survival of the fittest.

Besides, changing doesn't even mean that you're not yourself anymore... no matter what you've changed into, you are still you... just a more evolved version of the previous you.

So just be whatever that makes you a happy camper and don't let people's idea of "you've changed" intimidate you. Just add "..for the better" to the end of that and move on with your now happier life. You being happy and comfortable with who you are is all that matters in the end, isn't it?

stupid useless crybaby

I thought I have grown-up.

I thought I could do better... to be independent.

I thought I was a strong...or at least could be strong enough to not break down.

No.

I was wrong.

Turns out that...

I'm still that stupid useless crybaby all along.

The devil's child

just as i was blogging about it. then it gets worse.. fantastic.

>:'(

I HATE MYSELF. LITERALLY.

MY PRESENCE ALWAYS BRING BAD LUCK TO OTHERS.

IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN.

EVERY TIME I TRY TO COUNTERACT IT, IT JUST GETS WORSE.

UGH!

IF YOU ARE SMART, U WOULD STAY AWAY FROM ME!!

trash can

Hello hello

Long time no see. I know i haven't been entering enough posts to say that Im still maintaining my blog but as if anyone cares. I KNOW NOONE READS MY BLOG ANYMORE SO HAHAHAHA I SHALL SWEAR AND UNLEASH THE WORST SIDEA OF ME HERE! F***YEA! LOL. jk. That's not me. *shy* <--Wtf?!

Ok that was a horribly lame introduction. Forgive me :)
What i really wanna share here is how unhealthy im becoming :( i just keep eating and eating and eating... what's wrong with me?! :( i think i have this 'excessive eating disorder' or what ever you call it cause i just kept on eating :(

Its like im eating out of boredom... maybe i should do something else to keep my mind off food. but so far, i only have interest for movies and dramas and they are not helping me stay away from food :( Ahhhh!!

Im a stupid trash can :(

Sad sad face.

i realise i blog with no structure anymore. whatever. Its not like anyone really reads it anymore.
I miss home.
I'm so random.
I say bye bye.
BYE BYE!