stupid useless crybaby

I thought I have grown-up.

I thought I could do better... to be independent.

I thought I was a strong...or at least could be strong enough to not break down.

No.

I was wrong.

Turns out that...

I'm still that stupid useless crybaby all along.

The devil's child

just as i was blogging about it. then it gets worse.. fantastic.

>:'(

I HATE MYSELF. LITERALLY.

MY PRESENCE ALWAYS BRING BAD LUCK TO OTHERS.

IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN.

EVERY TIME I TRY TO COUNTERACT IT, IT JUST GETS WORSE.

UGH!

IF YOU ARE SMART, U WOULD STAY AWAY FROM ME!!

trash can

Hello hello

Long time no see. I know i haven't been entering enough posts to say that Im still maintaining my blog but as if anyone cares. I KNOW NOONE READS MY BLOG ANYMORE SO HAHAHAHA I SHALL SWEAR AND UNLEASH THE WORST SIDEA OF ME HERE! F***YEA! LOL. jk. That's not me. *shy* <--Wtf?!

Ok that was a horribly lame introduction. Forgive me :)
What i really wanna share here is how unhealthy im becoming :( i just keep eating and eating and eating... what's wrong with me?! :( i think i have this 'excessive eating disorder' or what ever you call it cause i just kept on eating :(

Its like im eating out of boredom... maybe i should do something else to keep my mind off food. but so far, i only have interest for movies and dramas and they are not helping me stay away from food :( Ahhhh!!

Im a stupid trash can :(

Sad sad face.

i realise i blog with no structure anymore. whatever. Its not like anyone really reads it anymore.
I miss home.
I'm so random.
I say bye bye.
BYE BYE!

Mumbo Jumbo.

I really don't understand what's wrong?

You and mood swings come and go like crazy.

Why do I have to put up with all your shit?

Who do you think you are?

So what if you are older than me?

Have you been acting like you are?

Have you behaved like you are worth my respect?

You make me feel like I'm your assistant? secretary? what ever it is... NO! I'M NOT!

Why is it that when things are not going right the fault is always on me?

Why can't you realise you might be the wrong one?

You start "lecturing" like how you hate to be lectured, and you dare say how you hate mum for always nagging you? GOOD. Now you are just like her. Instead of how you said you'd torture your kids for revenge (how stupid), congratulations, I feel like you have diverted that attitude to me. AND OH HELL, I HATE IT.

Have you ever realised that its your problem why you think she nags you too much?

You don't see me complaining about how she nags me, do you?

You want respect from me, but have you ever respected me?

What have you done to to deserve my respect?

I've always been giving in to you since young; have you ever realised and appreciated them?

I know you have your way to show your love to me, buying stuff for me, giving me things. but you don't understand I don't need those kind of love. I am not that kind of materialistic person. You can't BUY my love for you. I WANT EQUAL RESPECT.

Don't go all "this is the way I am, i change for no one" BULLSHIT.

If you continue on living your way your style, you know you'll be surrounded by people who TOLERATES you, not really LOVING you for who you are.

I don't say things to your face because I'm giving you the bullshit respect you want me to give you.

I admit I cant put up a well enough debate with an angry heart, I don't speak well when I am angry. But when I end it that way, it does not mean that you have won, so you don't have to show your shitty arrogant victory face, that only makes you look ignorant and stupid and my respect for you drops below that of what you have earned.

See how I angry I am at you right now?

But let me tell you, no matter how angry you have made me (no one has ever made me as mad as how you've made me, you know you are significant to me), I still love you. I don't hate you because you always make me angry. Think I'm bullshitting? Well, I can only say I am unlike you.

I know throughout your life, you have hated me numerous times. I know. I am not dumb. I'm not gonna hate you just because you hate me. I still love you because I know who you are to me. I don't HATE family.

I don't understand how you can go about hating the closest comfort you can get. HATRED is a very strong feeling. It grows on you. DON'T HATE YOUR FAMILY. You don't know what goes on behind the covers. I can say you're the luckiest one amongst all of us. Appreciate it. SHOW THAT YOU APPRECIATE IT. Don't expect us to know how you appreciate from the heart. TREAT OTHERS THE WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED! Hierarchy doesn't come in play like that. Don't abuse the respect I should have for you.

If words can be spoken in more gentler ways, don't choose to say it in ways that makes people uncomfortable. We hate it as much as you hate it. The world doesn't revolve around you. You know it, and you understand this. But please put this knowledge into practice and don't make people feel like you're so self-centred.

Waking up to reality

All that I fear would happen, has finally happened. What can I do now? How I wish for a miracle to take place right now...

Content? a word easy to use, hard to practice.

Isn't that always the case...

no love from

.581_

Who am I?

ITS BEEN A WHILE I KNOW! My blog can practically be dead if i don't come back and update it.

It's a Sunday today and I'm doing my assignments and preparatory work for next week's classes - my usual weekly routine here (Perth) this Sem. It has never been like this tho. That is, compared to when I was back at home - Brunei - because no matter how big an exam there is the following day, I would never NEVER miss out on our family's traditional Sunday FAMILY DAY!! Really can't wait to go back for this again! :))))

Then I started thinking about the kind of Bruneian I actually am (cause yea, although we're all living in Brunei, the things we do can still be totally different). What do we actually mean when we say we are "Bruneians".

Let's see... We(I) are(am) typical Bruneians because:

1. We love going on road trips. Destination - not so important. What's important is the moments u spent with the people in the car ;)

2. We wake up too late for breakfast. hence.. (see 3.)

3. We go for BRUNCHES (breakfast+lunch. Even after lunch hours, cause we r gangsta like that 8P)
It can be anywhere really. From the luxurious Empire Hotel and Country Club to the old-school but nonetheless oh-so awesome worker's canteen (it closed down now but THANK GOODNESS that we can still enjoy this Ocean Quarry kolomee in many outlets :') )

4. Nothing's more important that our limteh/yumcha sessions (tea) - especially true for procrastinators whose job allows them to do so ;P Again, it ranges from the extremely cheap but mouth watering to cozy, comfy, country-English style cafes such as the Country Patch.

5. We drive to places that we can reach in 5 mins. At fuel prices of $0.53 per litre, who wouldn't? :P (yes. we are very spoilt)

6. We have a town but that's not where the most happening place is.

7. We NEVER take public transports. - But I did! ONCE! and am proud of it! ^^

8. Food, Car and maybe phone. Can die without it.

9. We love our nature hikes! Omg, how i miss hiking at Tasek Lama and Bukit Shahbandar and feeding the monkeys! - No Cost!

10. We might move to another countries but we'll eventually come back again.

Ah, those were the days. ok... gotta get on with my ass(butt)-sai (屎)-men(闷)s now.

Toodles!