Hi everyone!
I'm here to brag about how good I felt yesterday. Hahaha~
I finally filled my day with loads more than just doing basically NOTHING like all the other days of my holiday...

Let's see...
First, I woke up late.
( I always wake up late these days since I have nothing better to do,so I decided to catch up with my sleep :))
Then, I went to have lunch with mama and mei mei.
It was then we talked about mei mei's broken ear piece.
So, we walked all the way to the mall to buy her one.
It kinda became a day I spent with my mei mei. Haha.
She won herself a ball thingy from me... That zap zap ball they sell in bit computers.
Haha...
Then I have to entertain her by bringing her to the arcade.
Then we jalan jalan lo...
Then on the way back.. I saw a tukang kasut so I asked if they can fix my bag which had a broken handle since a loong time ago.
And apparently they can!
So I brought it over there and showed them but they insisted that i should just get the whole handle changed which will cost me a freakin' $35.
So I decided not to let them do it.
Mummy suggested someone just infront of the office...
He so kindly charged me only $1 per part he needs to sew.
So in total, I just need to pay him $4.
Haha... See the difference? $35 and $4 eh...
Felt "weehee" after that.
Later me and my da jie relearn photoshop. Haha. Had fun there too!
And the rest of the day are kinda the same as all the other days~

I'm blogging right now, cause I still have time before I need to head over to the mall to meet up with my friends. Xue yu's leaving real soon so let this be a last gathering for the few of us~

haha... Way to spend my time ey?! Haha

Guess I've written enough rubbish here for one day now.
I'll say bye now!

BYE!

A letter to heaven. *stamped*

"Flowers are most prettiest when they are given away..."

Dear Ah Ma,

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How have you been?

I'm just casually writing this letter to you because I feel like reconnecting back with you again.

Hehe..

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I'm wondering, however tho, whether you know that...

...flashbacks of the things we used to do still appears in my mind time after time?

...there are no words suitable enough to describe how special you were?

...I have been and always will be missing you?

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I do hope that...

...in the hearts of whom you brought joy to is where you will forever stay.

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I'll will always remember how great of an artist you were whenever I hold onto a pencil as it waltz across the page.

=)

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With lots of love from your granddaughter,

宝一.

Who am I to you?

I couldn’t sleep last night because I was bothered by some crazy thoughts... Hence I wrote everything down to be blogged the next day to make myself feel better like always. This is how it goes...

“I do not doubt a bit of the love and care my parents have towards us 5 children. I mean... c’mon, we get the things without even asking for it,we do not have to do any hard, sweaty work, we barely need to worry about anything when they are around. What more can a child from this kind of family ask for again?

However, at times, I just wonder whether I have any affect upon their lives. Will they feel any different from when I'm present to when I'm absent? Do I have a purpose to be in their lives or am I just somebody who's presence doesn't really matter? hmm....

I don/t wanna be just a passer-by in your lives.

There are three adults in my life that I dare not disrespect or disobey. Therefor, I did whatever I could to fulfill their commands, especially to the two of them - my parents. The other, my grandma... I just do not dare to leave a single bad impression on her already old but nevertheless active mind. However tho... I'm still indulged in the thought of whether I'm anyone special to them. To me, I'm just someone ordinary, someone really normal, someone who just isn't outstanding enough I guess. Could I be wrong?

Really normal ey?!

Wanting to leave only good images of me upon their minds, I've always did the very best I can. I've pushed myself to the limits to excel both academically and personality-wise. I take every one of their advises very seriously and dare not disagree with the "lessons" they so-generously bestowed upon us. All these are what I’ve doing just hoping to find myself a spot in their pre-occupied hearts. Are my results satisfying enough to earned myself that spot? Somehow, it feels like I have to work much more harder. Or have I worked towards a wrong direction? I'm not sure....

Can I ever be #1?

I'm not saying they haven't been good to me or anything. In fact I believe they've already been the best they could be and I'll be considered greedy to ask for more. It's just that... Have I done anything to make myself special to them?

Outstanding.

I'm the forth daughter among my siblings. My sisters, being un-selfishly helpful, listens and gives good advise to mum when she's upset, being superwoman-ly independent, being hard to handle at times but can be the sweetest and most caring towards people or otherwise the one who makes us laugh through boring times, or simply just being the noisiest and the energy of the party when present... they seem to all have something extra special to be reminded of. My question here now is "what will i be remembered for?".

For being an abstract.

Despite the obvious decrease in family member in the house and just being book-smart (I'd rather be street-smart =( ), which I think are the only 2 things that I can be remembered for, is there anything else I've done for anyone of you to miss me for when I'm gone?

I've been so caught up in doing everything right and trying to be like others , I've forgotten to stand out from the shadows, making myself nothing more than just a member of the family.

Something more than just a shadow.

Let's take for instance... if I were to become mad at anyone of them, I don't think they would even notice that I've became mad. It would be merely a thing to be sad of to them if I stayed mad at them. I'm just not that powerful to affect their lives i assume... Maybe not to mummy but maybe to daddy and granny...

I know they have been doing their best to give us the best. This has nothing to do with their care towards us. It's just a question I've been longing to ask... Who am I to them? Maybe they are surrounded by too many children and grandchildren and hence I've just became less noticeable..

Do you know how it feels to be just a somebody, how it feels like when your voice just happens to be one of the crowd’s many voices and it just contributes to the noise? That is exactly how I DO NOT want to feel like. I do not want my voice to be called noise. I want my voice to be heard. I want to just stand out from the crowd and be noticed, don’t we all?

The only way I can think of now is to spark up my career when I actually have one in the near future since school results were merely a piece of dust to them... I wanna be someone none of the relatives are. The occupations I’m looking at has to be far beyond what the average Bruneian can do. It’s gotta be special at the same time important enough to earn me some big $$. The idea of a bomb engineer started tinkling in my mind since it landed itself on my mind because it sounds way cooler and much more SPECIAL than chem engineer. Working for the MOD has also earned itself a place in my “to be list” but whatever my choice is, it has to come with good $$. That way I can be at one thing more special, in a positive way, than the others. I even decided to like guns and all just to be different from others... But apparently they only interest me once in a blue moon. Oops. Haha. Anyways, back to what I'll be... My last words will just be.... "Wahahahaha. Let me surprise my own self with what I'll become one day!"

He has a cool job? Remember him?

Psstt..To tell you the truth...I noticed how much I like surprising people with what I can do. That way people can remember me for something. That's why I like to make something that I can call my own. I wouldn’t call designing something I enjoy doing. I just like the joy it brings me. =D

He's from Blue's Clues!

One of where I learn how to draw.

But the root of all these craziness is just to find myself some room in my 3 most respected people’s heart...hope one day i will.

Heart,

The shadow (who can one day stand out !). ”


Funny.... Why do I even think of these? There should be much more important stuff to be bothered in life than this piece of crazy junk. I shouldn’t let anything like this bother my sleep. Haha, how unbelievable people can be at times...

Oh well, at least that’s one thing off my mind now. =)


Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

SKEPTICISM

Can anyone survive without being a little skeptical?
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Look at the world today...
Don't you think it helps being that way?
It does right!?
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However, when skepticism is being played on you, you just wouldn't like it...
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If that's the case, how should people be?
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Be skeptical or not be skeptical?
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If anyone was to be called perfect, what do you think are the characteristics they should have?
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Are they skeptical or are they not?
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I wonder...
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I can be very skeptical, I must say.
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Is it good or is it bad?
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I need an answer.
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.581_ leaves here.

Zombie~

3 more weeks and I'll be on my way to a totally different place, YES, marking the begining of a whole new chapter in my life. Frankly speaking, I do not feel anything, not a thing at all, at this stage. I haven't start to miss anybody, not even pressured or anxious about going to be in a whole new environment. I feel like a zombie that way, am I one?

The very weird part is I haven't start to feel 舍不得 towards anything, not even towards family nor freinds not to mention them close ones. WHY? I'm officially calling my self not-normal for that. Have I been too stubborn for not facing my feelings too often till I've already forgotten to feel emotional when I'm suppose to?

I've always taught myself to not feel the bad feelings i.e. sad, angry etc. since that great moment of my life when I decided that I shall not shed a tear unless for extreme conditions. This I gotta give credit to my dad because he was the one who made me not want to be a cry baby no more by simply saying " There's nothing to cry about. It's not like u're suffering dreadfully or losing anything." ( I do not know the reason why I teared just because dad starts to say things to me with his serious face. I guess i was just frightened. haha, I cry because I'm frightened. How much of a kid I was back then. XD )

Being strong is what I think I've been trying to do. I loathe it when people say I appear to them as someone weak because to me, it means easily bullied, which in my dictionary means useless. Useless, not meaning can't do anything right but in the sense that you can't even protect yourself and be an independant individual.

I don't cry during emotional scenes.
I choose to not get mad when my parents say stuff that are "ear-sore"-ing (lectures? I consider them lessons learnt tho ppl might catagorise them as those loso talks.)
I 苦中作乐 as much as possible when happiness is not what I'm feeling.
I try to make myself and people in front of me think that I'm sincerely laughing even when things really start to seriously annoy me.

Feeling bad, to me, is kinda like a waste of enery and time so I'd call out the "Happy" in me to replace the sad me when feeling down. I'd always convince myself that I can do it, I can control my emotions, I can make myself smile when I want to even when sadness strikes.

When u aren't feeling good u can always make urself think u are, so u feel better no? I believe that it is all just the work of the mind. There's nothing a little 意志力 can't do. If you say you can, you will definately can!

.... But somehow I feel that this isn't right... Feels like zombie. Have I been too strong for my own good? Or is it just that I'm too lazy to feel bad?! Feeling bad can be really tiring no?

... ...

I like to think. I like to let my brain turn and turn, connecting as much neurons together as possible by means of active synapses. There are certain conclusions I've made during these little
"thinking moments'' of mine and one of them are as follows.


In life, there surely will be things happening that will put u in the dumps, makes you down, because we meet obstacles and all.. It's all part of the game called LIFE. They are very similar to the bad guys u meet in an action-packed game. In order to defeat these "bad guys" in the game of life, I trust that we just have to feel the opposite of what they want us to feel, then they will surely lose till die die (输到死死) !

So why feel the way these "bad guys" wants us to feel? Of course you can feel bad at the begining, but you should come to your senses soon enough and not let the bad feelings haunt your every waking moment so that you won't be kickass-ed by the "bad guys".

All the above makes complete sense to me and that is why I zombie-fy myself when necessary. But at this moment, when people starts asking me "How do you feel now that you're be leaving so soon? ,"Miserable?" , "会舍不得吗？" and being all my answers are " I feel nothing." and "No.", I kinda think I'm being too much of a zombie...Could it be that I've became one or is it that it is still early, or even worse, im too lazy to feel that way? O.O

However, strangely, being in my dad's office these days and seeing how busy and troubled life can get, I kinda feel there's much more to life and that there is no need for me to feel these "nonsenses". Being able to think this is nonsense... is it the way a zombie thinks?

Hmm...

signing off now.

love,
The Confused Zombie.

Let's talk pictures today!

Here Mel, this is the "rock mel" fragrance I saw... Hahaha... Just ignore that dot at the bottom of the exclamtion mark and it'd be the perfect gift for you... Haha... Speaking bout gifts... I haven't given u yours. Yay~ that means we can go out for at least one more time! :D


Cool no? So ngam ah~! haha
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I happened to come across loads of interesrting pictures while trying to find the perfect background for me phone. However, me found that the pictures are more blog-worthy, so imma just share them with y'all with little bits of caption of me-own :D (that is if anyone's actually reading me 'blaogh')

*p.s. Ignore me weird writing style today.. Just suddenly feel like being a pirate xD WHAT?! At least I think I sound like one~ teehee!*
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Click click.
Take a pic peek~

Picture no. 1:

Guys out there... You know what to do now :D

Picture no. 2-5:
Girls like to be spoilt. So spoil us x] (a)







:D


Picture 6-11:
Girls can be naturally dangerous. So don't try them x]












Picture 12-14:
We like tricking you and making you bananas. (not sure bout others but I do x] )






Picture 15:
Being random is cool (in my case :D )


Picture 16-17:
If you wanna be with someone, don't try to change somebody.



xD

Picture 18:
The A+ answer to
•"what do you do when nothing goes right?".

•"why we should not do our homeworks."

(y)

Picture 19:
I'm not stupid, I'm just..


Picture 20-22:
What's friends to you?






Picture 23-27:
It's the red thing that gives you diabetes.









NOT! Hehehehe~

Picture 28:
A little question I can't answer myself.. Can u?


-and now u come to the beautiful, spectacular, astounding, amazing, incredible, unforgetful, marvelous, grand, stupendous...

~END~

xoxo,
581.

Facebook.

Is it just me or is facebook where most of the people hang out these days?
I donno about you, but I constantly find people being ridiculously active on facebook.
Active in the sence that they are always there commenting and replying comments immediately whenever something new comes up.

For someone who has just recently joined the crowd (Facebook-ing), facebook is just where I find out what people are up to. I don't do posts day after day, but I do wonder how people can get anybody to comment so much on something like " :) " or " xxx is dozing off." No being sarcastic, it's actually kinda nice to know that people cares to give a comment or a "like" to what u are doing or something u posted up.
It makes people feel warm and not alone!

I find facebook... erm... "whao"-able for it can make things like this happen.
It's like u can share stuff with people far and wide even when u are actually by your own lonesome self.
Haha... Is that good or is that creepy?

I actually found myself laughing by myself while checking out and posting up comments of my peeps in the living room one night with my mom wondering , at one side, why I was laughing when the tv was showing some emotional crying scene. How creepy is that? Haha.
However, it is kinda nice creeping people out once in a while.. It makes you look strange, or in my dictionary, special (weird) enough to be noticed xD

Well, I'm not anyone to rate for the things that Facebook can do, but if I gotta chance to meet up with Mr. Creatoroffacebook, I'd shake his
hands and point two thumbs up to his geeky face (Is he geeky or is he not?) for creating something that makes the world small enough for friends to enjoy each other, both oral and picture-wise, through the amazing Internet. Hey wait, I gotta show some love to Mr. Founderofinternet too that way! Haha. Good job internet, tho u kinda piss me off sometimes for being insanely-slow. I blame that on my country :D *peace, I don't mean for a war!*

"life is short, enjoy it the pictures below."
They are worth a laugh x]














oh well. I've been stopped by authorities. xD
Toodles~!
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xoxo,
581